Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
