yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
