if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
