I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM