She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there