I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
