$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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