We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
