Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize