I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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