I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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