did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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