i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
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At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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