just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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