if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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