i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
