i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
