I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize