the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
