I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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