I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
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My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
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Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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