i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
