dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.