It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you