yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.