Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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