I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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