My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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