you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
