I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given