i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker