White coat. Heels.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
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I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
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I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.