I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place