We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
