I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I have post one night stand depression
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
