what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
