too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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