We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK