didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
