Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
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don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.