I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
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What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
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I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.