also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live