btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course