I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
