Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
