I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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