Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
this beer tastes like vomit already
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
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we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
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And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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