if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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