Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
this boner is exhausting
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.