I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
