they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
