Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize