It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
