Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
