dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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