He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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