You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
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Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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