You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
