don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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