Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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