i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud