You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in