a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP