Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx