She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
