Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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