I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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